I’ve given my opinion on what marriage components are from the Bible, but I’ve also been thinking about this as bit more with Jack’s series trying to think of an improved framework.
- https://sigmaframe.wordpress.com/2023/06/03/are-common-law-marriages-the-most-biblical/
- https://sigmaframe.wordpress.com/2023/06/04/bridal-charades/
- https://sigmaframe.wordpress.com/2023/06/12/a-concise-history-of-marriage-regulations/
- https://sigmaframe.wordpress.com/2023/06/14/superposition/
Then it all came to me based on what we learned from the previous series on moral agencies of wives.
- Husbands are to improve the moral agency of their wives through sanctification
- The general process of sanctification with moral discernment, moral agency, and mature theosis
- Jack’s summary of many posts on moral agency (of wives).
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
To summarize the above, husbands are tasked by God to improve the moral agency of their wives during marriage especially because they are more easily deceived.
Thus, the parallel before marriage starts is that some amount of moral agency is needed from both the husband and wife in order to create a marriage along with sex.
The example that always bothered me was that virtually everyone — Christian and non-Christian alike — would say that two teenagers who promise to be married because they want to have sex with each other and then have sex are not considered married. It’s an empty promise spurred on by hormones and temptations.
What then does some of the Scriptures say about moral agency and marriage?
- In the Scriptures there are some limited times such as in Exodus 22 where a father can veto a marriage. This is basically saying that the daughter/woman does not have enough moral agency to assent to the marriage herself.
- Similarly, in Numbers 30 husbands can nullify vows from their wives which also says that wives may be too rash and not have good enough moral agency to fully understand what she is doing.
- Also, God tasks husbands in the NT to sanctify their wives so they can mature to have full moral agency.
What we have here is a pattern where moral agency is a primary aspect of establishing a marriage along with sex, and God still requiring that mature moral agency be the full end goal as well.
Given this pattern, it stands to reason then that the various other factors that often go along with marriage in the Bible also tend to approximate establishing enough moral agency for the marriage to be legitimate.
- Sacrament through the Church with Catholics and Orthodox, and likewise with Protestants but not as formally. Moral agency to formally assent to what God says marriage is.
- Parental agreement is one of the ways moral agency of those being married may be affirmed such as with the Patriarchs getting a bride for their children or arranged marriages. The children getting married usually affirm this through participation in a wedding ceremony/vows and sex.
- Ceremony and vows are another common way this is affirmed. Again, moral agency to assent to the the marriage.
- State-based marriage also approximates this as well. Moral agency to agree to be married in the eyes of the state.
- Sex = marriage is possibly, in the context of the assent of unhindered moral agency to become one.
- Lack of moral agency of the infatuated teenagers means that their supposed marriage is not a marriage.
Essentially, the various components of marriage aside from sex across the Bible and various cultures are there to help approximate moral agency of those married to become one which creates the unity of a family.
Why moral agency and sex?
Moral agency is also the way we as Christians become believers. We admit we’re sinners, confess our sins, and believe that Jesus rose from the dead and follow His example. This is the mystery of Christ and the Church, and through our moral agency we agree with Jesus and become His followers to participate in the oneness of the Christ-Church. This is the analogy for the marriage of husbands and wives – Christ:Church::husbands:wives.
Conversely, it was a sinful moral agency at the fall that separated Adam and Eve from the fellowship/oneness with God in the garden. It is a sinful moral agency that where the Pharisees were divorcing their wives.
It also appears to me that moral agency led Jesus to say the phrase: “What God has put together let no man separate.” Spiritual unity through moral agency along with the physical manifestation of unity in sex results in a marriage, just as with the Covenants in the OT and NT they are assented by the parties and sealed in blood.
Thus, moral agency and sex define a marriage.
Marriage simply looks messy in the Bible because moral agency can be expressed through many different forms.
Christianity and masculinity 
“Spiritual unity through moral agency along with the physical manifestation of unity in sex results in a marriage, …”
2 Corinthians 6:14(RSV) Do not be mismated with unbelievers. For what partnership have righteousness and iniquity? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 15 What accord has Christ with Be′lial? Or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever?
The Bible says that there is not “spiritual unity” between a Christ follower and an unbeliever. And I have personally experienced that. Furthermore, because of my ex-wife’s hidden addiction to avoiding all forms of intimacy, (spiritual, emotional, physical, & Etc.) she shut off any desire to maintain unity with me, the moment I slipped the wedding ring on her finger. She just wanted the validation and status of being legitimately married, while keeping our actual home as distant as she could possibly keep it, without me ending it.
I guess my question for you would be, how does a situation like that fit into your latest model? My ex-wife had zero desire for spiritual unity. She wouldn’t ever want to pray with me, except for in public to “bless” a meal, and she never wanted to do any devotional study with me either. She actively avoided spiritual intimacy/unity. We had a wedding ceremony at her church, but she had no intention of keeping her vows and never did try to keep them. And that wasn’t just my assessment. Our first pastoral marriage counselor, whom we started seeing within a year of our wedding, said that he couldn’t see that she had any desire whatsoever to honor her marriage vows. And he stated that his method required such a desire to be present, when he declined to continue counseling us.
We had a public ceremony in a church, and had sex, but her spiritual claims prior to our wedding were basically lies, and a made-up story that later changed. Prior to marriage she pretended to be in spiritual agreement, but immediately after the wedding ceremony, she started tearing apart every bit of the former presumed unity, and instead immediately began putting up walls between us. She told one pastor that she didn’t care what the Bible said, and whether or not she’d go to hell, she wasn’t going to start submitting to me. And that emasculated servant of the devil said, well we’re not going to ask you to do that. That foolish simp instead asked me to submit to all of her rebellion and continual defrauding, just because he lacked the balls to ask a rebellious woman to honor her husband. Needless to say, our marital problem of my wife’s rebellion, was made worse by visiting with that satanic woman-worshipper.
Anywhoo! We clearly had sex, which according to the Bible joins us into one flesh, but our spirits were clearly at odds with each other. Once we married, she turned in complete rebellion against accepting any spiritual leadership from me. However, we had a ceremony in her apostate church where they had declared our union to be everything it should be. Obviously, she told the church the same lies she told me. And they believed her unquestioningly. IMHO that apostate church did absolutely nothing that affected our relationship, nor can they force God’s hand to do anything. They just acted as agents of the state in signing off on our application for marriage license. If they had been agents of God, they’d have warned me not to marry a ho.
I believe she became one flesh with me, via sex,(as per the Bible) but we were never really one in spirit.(she was just lying to get me to marry her) How then does that fit into your model?
@ Sharkly
1 Corinthians 7 address this more or less. She was an unbeliever and left. She was clearly not willing to live with you and hence was not sanctified by the believer (you).
1 Corinthians 7:12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16 How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
Catholic and Orthodox would probably annul the marriage if it became apparent that she had no intention even at the beginning of honoring her vows.
Same as the Churches in Revelation 2-3 if they refuse to repent.
“Spiritual unity through moral agency along with the physical manifestation of unity in sex results in a marriage, …”
Thanks for your response, but let me clarify my question. I’m asking about what exactly constitutes “spiritual unity through moral agency” and does that mean that you believe their was no valid marital union if their is no spiritual unity, even if she fully consented to be wed?
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So when someone is “ready to settle down“ and not play house with multiple sexual relationships anymore they are finally expressing moral agency and ready for marriage?
Sounds like a good way to rationalize what is currently going on regarding sex and marriage
@ naturallyaspirated
Hardly. This is the same argument as Paul in Romans talking about “should we sin more so that grace may abound?” Definitely not.
Sinners who do not care about God or the Bible are going to sin in whatever way they want regardless of what the Bible says. Taking them into account when attempting to understand what the Bible is teaching Christians on how to act is a fruitless and unwise endeavor.
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